Weight Watchers

At the beginning of this year I cautiously began a journey with Weight Watchers. Because my relationship with food, health and weight loss has almost always included fad diets, quick (un-maintainable) loss, and eating disordered thinking and habits, I was very careful in approaching weight loss this time. I chose Weight Watchers because there are no restrictions (you can eat anything you want as long as it fits into your daily points - fruits/veg are free!), no black/white thinking, no unattainable goals (they actually discourage losing more than 1-2 lbs a week, and are always quick to acknowledge "non scale victories" - successes that show growth towards physical/mental health & habits, not always appearing on the scale). These things and more have supported me in finding a more balanced mentality about health and weight than I have ever had before. So it was the perfect program for me. It offers the accountability I need because I check in every week - and if a week hasn't gone well (like when we were moving, or travelling!) it's only a couple pounds at the most and I am brought back on track - rather than like other times in my life when I could ignore my bad habits (and scale) for months at a time and eventually would discover an extra 40 pounds had appeared! The motivation I get from this program has & will work for me long term because it is so realistic. I've learned that the slower the change, the longer it lasts. This applies in weight loss AND habit forming/changing. There is no punishment when you don't 'stick to' the program (since there really isn't much of a 'program' to stick to). It's all about making small maintainable changes and just balancing out your eating and your exercise without depriving yourself of the things you really want (and lets be honest, sometimes need!) 

Before I become too much of a commercial, what I really came here for was just to share my excitement about the milestone I reached today! At my meeting this morning, I stepped on the scale and saw it read lower than I've weighed in at least 4 years. I have officially lost 40 pounds and my BMI is down 7%! For the first time in my life I KNOW I am losing weight healthily and will actually reach an ideal weight (I don't have a goal set yet, they avoid doing this until you are closer so that it doesn't feel so overwhelming, and they have your doctor recommend a healthy range for you - love that!)

In my 20's, while I was extreme dieting, I was the thinnest that I've ever been but was the most mentally unhealthy and the deepest in my eating disorder. When I looked in the mirror I saw a disgusting obese monster though I was hardly even overweight. After years of counselling, difficult years when I was not allowed to 'diet,' or restrict, I did gain a lot of weight (which is what happens after you have shocked your body with so much deprivation) but now I see that my health has reversed. I am now, even with almost 100 pounds left to lose, the most healthy I have ever been mentally. When I look in the mirror now I see exactly who I am. I don't see a thinner girl than I am, but I don't see someone disgusting. I feel sad for how I've treated myself but also grateful for how God has brought me to love who He made me. I see a body that has held me through 30 beautiful and broken years of life. I see strong legs that have walked every step I've ever asked them to, and would have walked many more if I had been brave enough to try. I see a tummy, scarred and stretched by the beautiful baby boy it grew within it and I can't see through tears right now as gratitude overwhelms me for what God has given me in this body, and for the regret of how I've regarded myself in the past, and the way I allowed some careless words to almost scar me for life. No more. I have learned health begins within. A healthy body can not make a healthy mind, but a healthy mind WILL make a healthy body. So now it is exciting to watch the pounds disappear, and know that I am saying bye for good. My husband has a 40 lb weight that I struggle to lift but I try all the time because it makes me smile to know the reality of what I am changing in my body!

I still watch many friends struggle with this battle of weight, body image, health, and the balance between loving yourself and needing everyone else to love you. We all have our own path there, but I offer myself to you if anyone ever needs some encouragement, words of (my little bit of) experience, or prayer. I am so thankful for a Husband who speaks God's wisdom to me. At times when I get too focused on the number on the scale he reminds me; our bodies will pass away. They are but for this life and not the next. There are so many more important things to spend our time and focus on, that are lasting. God does want us to be healthy but not in a way that is obsessive and hinders our worship of Him because we are worshiping ourselves - making ourselves more important than Him. So many of us are worshiping our health without realizing it. Whether it's the idol of vanity or the idol of health or the idol of longer lives with our kids it is still idolatry and puts our eyes on something other than Jesus. God alone has numbered our days and I believe and cling to the hope that it is not dependent on me. My life is written, and what He is giving me in this health journey is the freedom to enjoy it!

Many years of joy were robbed from me by my feeling that I was too overweight to do certain things, or too consumed with how others were judging me. I had the curse of looking ahead thinking "I'll be happy when... I'll do this when... I'll live fully when..." But the answer to this and every other question is Jesus, who said "I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)." John 10:10 AMP 
A full life NOW, not later.

For every good thing, I thank Him. For every struggle, I praise Him. In everything I see Him. And because it's lavished on me, I love Him.

All for Jesus,
Carly